Accepting gifts from Past Me
[Currently sipping Lapsang Souchong tea from Bird Pick Tea & Herb in El Monte, CA]
Several years ago, I read an inspiring thread on a long-forgotten subreddit about how your present-day actions should set Present You up to become Future You’s BFF. Actually, I think the phrase used was “best bro” but the sentiment was the same. I liked this framing better than when I’ve heard others talk about “setting yourself up for success” because success felt amorphous. Sure, you may achieve your flavor-of-the-month goal but what about after? Did your planning result in a checklist being completed, or did you mature into the type of person you wanted to become?
To be transparent, I don’t always remember this advice about becoming Future Me’s bestie. I will give in to impulses here and there, like buying that cup of instant ramen because though it’s not good for my physical health, it’s good for my soul health after a hard day (the power of nostalgia!). I have definitely made excuses to not go for a walk or do a workout. Too many excuses even. But occasionally, I do push past those poor decisions because I remind myself that I need to look out for Future Me and be able to thank Past Me for caring about myself.
It sounds simple but when you’re being pummeled by daily stressors and worries, the thought could be submerged under your natural fight/flight reactions and corresponding activities.
So, we’re all trying here. Recently though, I realized that I should look in the other direction for a focused moment. Since this was advice I’d taken up years ago, can I say that Past Me could be my present-day BFF? Ehhhhh. Not entirely. Definitely could’ve adopted more movement habits.
BUT
There have been some gifts that Past Me has accumulated over time that I should receive with gratitude, not guilt. For background, accepting gifts has not been easy for me, whether they were in the form of physical items (reaction: you shouldn’t have wasted this money on me) or words of affirmation (reaction: it was nothing / what do you want from me?). More to unpack there for later but I’ve realized that even gifts from Past Me are running into this barrier of acceptance, and I can’t let that stop me from reaping the benefits I’ve sown.
One of the gifts has been the low-grade miserliness I’ve exercised over the years. Accepting this gift means moving into a mindset that says:
Investing in myself is worth it.
Spending money on what would light me up with excitement every day is allowed.
Stop thinking about it and just do it. Buy myself the time I need to do what I want to do.
This is going to be HARD to learn. But what a treasure that I’ve given Present Me with small, yet deliberate, actions over time. Can I get past my mental gates and honor the work that Past Me has put in to become my own “best bro” later? I’ll try, in the same way that I’m exploring how to accept other gifts with grace.
Thanks Past Minerva. I really appreciate it.