Long lost conversations

[Currently sipping Lapsang Souchong tea from Bird Pick Tea & Herb in El Monte, CA]

In high school and college, among my like-hobbied friends who did a lot of community service activities with me, we had what we called "heart to hearts." These were what we called deep conversations with one another, usually lasting hours and frequently one-on-one situations that took place where everyone else was gathering. For example, beach bonfires were a common atmosphere that invited people to go off a little ways from the group and talk privately with the cool ocean breeze in their faces. I remember heart to hearts happening when we were at conventions and sat outside of hotel rooms chatting the night away in low volumes. I've had long talks on playgrounds and park benches as street lights dimmed.

As defining as these moments were for our friendships, we inevitably drifted away with time and distance. And now, these discussions are rare. As adults, there's always some place to be, something to do. We can't afford to realize that we accidentally spent 5 hours together and now it's 2AM and we have to get up at 6AM for class and we forgot to do homework but oh well who cares.

We're now beholden to our jobs and other adult responsibilities. We have drives home or partners who would think it weird to spend that much time with someone else and not check in. We can't loiter at each other's places easily. We have self-imposed curfews either mentally or physically (cheers to getting older). We’re good at not letting ourselves get lost in the moment, even if that’s what we sorely need.

I miss them. I miss long conversations. I miss learning intimate things about someone else who entrusted me with their worries, dreams, and untold secrets. I've occasionally had meandering talks as an adult over coffee or a drink but that "welp, should be heading back now" moment always comes. And then we retreat to our comfortable homes, set up just the way we like them and consume books, movies, podcasts, or other media about the very stories we could've been living out had we stayed with each other. How many books do you read where you're fascinated by the deep thoughts the characters have and the epiphanies they get by talking with each other? How much "thought leader" content do you read that covers how important it is to have these conversations and be vulnerable?

I'm privy to this too. I want to be mindful of others' time so won't ask for what I want in the moment: to stay talking longer. Or I schedule something else for after, in anticipation that our time together will be cut short and perhaps then I become the one who goes "welp" so as not to be late for another appointment. I don't want to drive back too late from somewhere else so will be quite conscious of time instead of letting it speed past. Not always, but enough times to get in my own way.

Instead of consuming media though, I've turned to writing. I'll think about the things that I would've talked about and jot down what more percolates in this ever-on mind of mine. Then, perhaps you, reader, become the consumer of my media... about having conversations you wished would continue. What predicaments we put ourselves in.

Welp, time to end this musing for now.

But oh, what's that? You want to continue talking about talking? Actually, I'd love to. Send me a conversation request on my form. We'll make it happen and maybe forget the hours together.

That's me doing my part for a future heart to heart.